my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
