I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize