I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
