I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
