i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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