Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Are my feet made of real feet?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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