Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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