dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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