Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
