I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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