I threw up into my coffee this morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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