fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
