i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
