He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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