just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
