im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
