i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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