hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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