I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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