i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
