I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
