true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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