You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
