You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
