I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
