There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wear drunk well.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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