i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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