this beer tastes like vomit already
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize