i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
