I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
