In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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