So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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