I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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