weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize