come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
