I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize