i just wanna soil my oats bro
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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