He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
