Buhtt sex?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
