Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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