I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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