onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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