as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize