better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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