So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
