my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
