You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Come share oat with me in your robe
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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