What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
