Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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