I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
