The maid of honor just puked.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
