You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
