i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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