I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize