he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
