thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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