So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
