That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
