Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
