The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize