He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
