Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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