the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
