so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
