yo everyone went to the hospital last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
