i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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