wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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