I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
