My underwear smells like fireworks.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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