Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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