You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
