kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize