You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
