Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
