I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
