If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
