when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
