Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
