I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
