I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
