I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
