after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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