foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
