We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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