Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
