i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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