There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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