I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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