there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
