we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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