They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize