I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A+ Viking dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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