Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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