Non-Jews are for practice
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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