I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
