Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
