my vag is so smooth its legendary
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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