My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
