I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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