I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
